he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
