Plan B is the new Plan A
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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