I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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