tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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