my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
