also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
