If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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