I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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