We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
