When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
