A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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