I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize