you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
