Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
