i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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