Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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