i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize