Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
