You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
