u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
