girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
