Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
