first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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