That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
