I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
