after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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