Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
