doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
whose ass print is on the piano?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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