Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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