So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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