She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
