so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
