Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
