fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
