found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
