It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
