shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
