Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize