Your face is a jimmy john
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
