Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
