did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
