I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
