You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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