i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
