i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He has the fingertips of a God
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
