Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
