Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
