it wasn't lemon gatorade
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize