Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
