so explain again why im purple
no
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
