can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
