Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
