Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize