She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
