He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
