What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
