you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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