woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
