mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
