its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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