No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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