The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
