We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
