i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My breath smells like gin and sadness
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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