there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
