He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
