im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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