Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
