he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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