There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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