My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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