I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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