not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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