apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
