she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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