I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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