the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
