HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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